Tuesday, September 30, 2008
hahaha.. i'd a lovely weekend on sat, 27 sep & sun, 28 sep.
i went for movie with my three sisters.. we watched a lousy movie named : connected but wat i enjoyed the most is the company that i had once again with my sisters.. nothing in life is more precious and important to spend time with your loved one...
and on sun, 28 sep, i spend my day chilling out with bev cos her bf is working.. lol.. i bought her a crumpler card holder for her birthday.. lol..
and on mon, 29 sep, i work almost half a day and rush home to buy food for my grandaunt then send my grandma to TTSH for her check-up review. i feel so proud that i can manage my grandma alone with the wheelchair.. i can manage to bring her to toilet, assist her in and out of the cabby.. lol.. i'm proud..
we should appreciate all the little things in life we had with all our loved one.. no matter how naggy or irritating they are, they always give us the best... trust me, they are always giving us the best..
kathleen was here writing on 9/30/2008 10:35:00 PM
Saturday, September 27, 2008
A very touching article that really touches my heart =D
========================================================
When You Divorce Me, Carry Me Out in Your Arms
On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy..
I was a strong and happy bridegroom.
This was the scene ten years ago.
The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid; I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affection between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school.
Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.
Dew came into my life.
It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her.
Dew said, you are the kind of man who best draws girls' eyeballs. Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we were just married, my wife said,
Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls.
Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife.. But I couldn't help doing so.
I moved Dew's hands aside and said you go to select some furniture, O.K.?
I've got something to do in the company. Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised to do it together with her. At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me.
However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt.
Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner.
I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew's body.
This was the means of my entertainment.
One day I said to her in a slightly joking way, suppose we divorce, what will you do? She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from her. I couldn't imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.
When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking to her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.
Once again, Dew said to me, He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together. I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.
When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. I've got something to tell you, I said. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the serious topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I'm serious. I avoided her question. This so-called answer made her angry..
She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!
That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had said.
Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.
Late that night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fall asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again.
She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but I was supposed to give her one month’s time before divorce, and in the month's time we must live as normal a life as possible. Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn't want him to see our marriage was broken.
She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day? This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, I remember. You carried me in your arms, she continued, so, I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning.
I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage romantically.
I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce, she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly,
Let us start from today, don't tell our son. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for a bus, I drove to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face.
On the third day, she whispered to me, the outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became vague.
On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. I nodded.
The sense of intimacy was even stronger. I didn't tell Dew about this.
I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, It seems not difficult to carry you now. She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense of pain.. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head.
Our son came in at the moment. Dad, it's time to carry mum out. He said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.
On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. She said, actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old.
I held her tightly and said, both you and I didn't notice that our life lacked intimacy.
I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I won't divorce. I'm serious.
She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. You got no fever.. She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I can only say sorry to you, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of life, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old.
So I have to say sorry to you.
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove to the office.
When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her favourite. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until we are old.
kathleen was here writing on 9/27/2008 04:09:00 PM
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
i jus cant get HIM off my mind ever since the impromptu meetup on Mon evening. =D
he keep appearing in my mind whole day long.. oh my.. duno when will the next meet up be.. lol.. i dun wanna wait for another 14 months..
von von says my patience reallys pay this time.. lol.. i'm really very glad..
lalalalalalalalalala.... =D
kathleen was here writing on 9/24/2008 09:50:00 PM
Monday, September 22, 2008
I FINALLY MEET RICKY AFTER 14 MONTHS.... I'M OVERJOYED..
yes, this is not a dream to me.. we finally met.. though is jus a short while, i really appreciate the short time i have with him.. he really brights my day.. he make an effort to make an U turn back jus to meet me for awhile.. i'm really touched man.. lol...
share my joy, peep.. i'm really looking forward for more to come.. lol.. =D
kathleen was here writing on 9/22/2008 10:29:00 PM
Sunday, September 21, 2008
i really duno what am i thinking in my mind?? i hate to be alone lately.. i'm afraid to let my thinking run wild...
BUT
i started to tink :
have i been a good sister all these years??
have i set a good example for the girls??
have i taught them the rights and wrongs in life??
have i give them the best out of the best??
have i been being a strict sister in some ways??
have i done my part as a sister??
yes, i only realise now that i started to question myself.. i really duno what kind of sister i have been all these years... please pardon me for the mistakes i have done and negligence towards you girls..
kathleen was here writing on 9/21/2008 01:40:00 PM
Thursday, September 18, 2008
i really feel the pain.. everything happens for a reason and i strongly feel that GOD is really testing us. i hope all the storm will be over soon..
please give us back the happiness we use to have.. pardon us for all the sins and wrong we have done.. Lord of Buddha, kindly answer and grant my prayer...
life sucks now... i wanna get over it soon.. i really feel like shouting out loud and crying out loud.. sighz.... =[
kathleen was here writing on 9/18/2008 10:18:00 PM
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
peeps.. enjoy reading the following article which i seriously find it very meaningful :
=D happy reading (^_^)
忙 的 時 候 ， 想 要 休 息 ；
假 的 時 候 ， 想 到 未 來 。
窮 的 時 候 ， 渴 望 富 有 ；
生 活 安 逸 了 ， 怕 幸 福 不 能 長 久 。
該 決 定 的 時 候 ， 擔 心 結 果 不 如 預 期 ；
看 明 白 了 ， 後 悔 當 初 沒 有 下 定 決 心 。
不 屬 於 自 己 的 ， 常 常 心 存 慾 望 ；
握 在 手 裡 了 ， 又 懷 念 未 擁 有 前 的輕 鬆 。
生 命 若 不 是 現 在 ，那 是 何 時 ？
一 個 人 可 以 毫 無 道 理 跟 你 做 一 輩 子 親 戚
但 一 個 人 不 會 毫 無 道 理 跟 你 做 一 輩 子 朋 友
我 會 想 起 ... 與 你 們 認 識 的 種 種 ...
也 會 想 起 ... 發 生 過 的 點 點 滴 滴 ...
直 到 我 們 都 年 老 時 . .
是 否 會 像 現 在 這 樣 ...
坐 在 電 腦 前 互 訴 心 聲 ？
不 管 如 何 ...
希 望 我 們 永 遠 是 真 誠 相 對 的 朋 友 ( 知 己 ) ...
朋 友 就 是 喜 歡 你 也 了 解 你 的 人
願 你 都 能 珍 惜 身 邊 每 一 個 朋 友
因 為 你 我 有 緣 份 ， 才 能 成 為 朋 友
可 以 成 為 知 己 的 ， 更 難 得 ！
時 間 未 必 O 你 我 成 為 知 己 的 原 因
但 一 定 可 以 証 明 到
你 對 朋 友 的 關 懷 不 是 白 費 ！
希 望 您 永 遠 都 係 我 的 好 朋 友 ！
朋 友 ， 是 你 高 興 時 想 跟 他 分 享 的 ，
朋 友 ， 是 你 不 高 興 時 可 以 給 你 發 脾 氣 的 ，
朋 友 ， 也 是 在 你 沒 錢 開 飯 時 打 救 你 的 ，
朋 友 ， 你 悶 得 發 荒 時 可 以 跟 你 一 同 發 荒 的 ，
朋 友 ， 會 甘 願 給 功 課 你 抄 ， 跟 你 一 同 出 貓 一 同 被 人 罰 的 ，
朋 友 ， 也 是 你 買 手 信 時 ， 想 買 一 份 大 的 給 他 的，
朋 友 ， 也 是 你 看 見 他 上 線 時 ， 想 給 他 ' 喔 噢 ' ！
想 要 體 會 「 一 年 」 有 多 少 價 值 ，
你 可 以 去 問 一 個 失 敗 重 修 的 學 生 。
想 要 體 會 「 一 月 」 有 多 少 價 值 ，
你 可 以 去 問 一 個 不 幸 早 產 的 母 親 。
想 要 體 會 「 一 週 」 有 多 少 價 值 ，
你 可 以 去 問 一 個 定 期 週 刊 的 編 輯 。
想 要 體 會 「 一 小 時 」 有 多 少 價 值 ，
你 可 以 去 問 一 對 等 待 相 聚 的 戀 人 。
想 要 體 會 「 一 分 鐘 」 有 多 少 價 值 ，
你 可 以 去 問 一 個 錯 過 火 車 的 旅 人 。
想 要 體 會 「 一 秒 鐘 」 有 多 少 價 值 ，
你 可 以 去 問 一 個 死 裡 逃 生 的 幸 運 兒 。
想 要 體 會 「 一 毫 秒 」 有 多 少 價 值 ，
你 可 以 去 問 一 個 錯 失 金 牌 的 運 動 員 。
朋 友 就 是 ~ ~ 即 使 是 一 點 小 感 動 ， 一 點 小 事 情 都 想 一 起 分 享
朋 友 就 是 ~ ~ 當 你 抱 頭 哭 的 時 候 ， 扶 著 你 肩 膀 的 那 個 人
朋 友 就 是 ~ ~ 當 你 面 對 人 生 挫 折 時 ， 一 直 緊 握 你 那 雙 手
你 好 嗎 ？
你 能 夠 看 到 它 是 你 與 他 的 緣 份
你 能 夠 和 你 身 邊 的 人 做 朋 友 也 是 你 與 他 的 緣 份
縱 使 你 不 知 道 這 夥 流 星 會 何 時 消 失
但 如 若 你 好 好 珍 惜 看 到 這 流 星 的 每 一 刻
那 就 算 流 星 走 了 你 也 不 會 後 悔
請 大 家 好 好 珍 惜 身 邊 的 每 一 個 人
珍 惜 這 段 友 誼 ！
建 立 友 誼 如 像 種 樹 ， 因 為 友 誼 是 一 株 樹 ( T R E E ) :
T : T r u s t ( 信 任 )
R : R e s p e c t ( 尊 重 )
E : E x c h a n g e ( 交 流 )
E : E m o t i o n a l S u p p o r t ( 精 神 支 持 )
---- 好 朋 友 守 則 ----
朋 友 就 是 無 形 中 伴 你 走 過 風 雨 ， 永 遠 支 持 你 的 力 量
朋 友 就 是 一 種 無 法 言 喻 的 美 好 感 覺
朋 友 就 是 在 別 人 面 前 永 遠 護 著 你 的 那 個 人
朋 友 就 是 即 使 是 一 點 小 感 動 ， 一 點 小 事 情 都 想 一 起 分 享
朋 友 就 是 當 你 抱 頭 痛 哭 的 時 候 ， 扶 著 你 肩 膀 的 那 個 人
朋 友 就 是 當 你 面 對 人 生 挫 折 時 ， 一 直 緊 握 你 的 那 雙 手
喜歡下雨，因為你不會知道我流淚....
喜歡發呆....因為你不會知道我想你....
喜歡孤單....因為你不會發現我愛你....
喜歡在你身邊....因為你是我快樂的唯一因素 ...
幸福方程式：
一顆敢夢的心＋兩倍的努力＋三倍的行動 = 百分之的幸福和成功
kathleen was here writing on 9/17/2008 10:28:00 PM
Monday, September 15, 2008
As we grow up,
We learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will.
You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time.
You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.
You'll fight with your best friend.
You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.
You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love
kathleen was here writing on 9/15/2008 08:39:00 PM
Sunday, September 14, 2008
it have been three goody weeks that i have yet to update my lovely bloggie. i'm jus being lazy, busy at times (during these three weeks), being fatigue and whatever you can name it.. PLEASE NOMINATE ME AS THE MOST LAZIEST GIRL IN YEAR 2008 and you think i care? No, i dun. Jus like me for who i am and not whaat i'm not..
in these three weeks, many things happened. be it at work affair or home affair, it has been the most stressful thingy in year 2008. i have been thinking.... in life,
why do pple work so hard jus to get wat they want??
why pple must smoke and drink and flirt and go clubbing etc...???
why cant pple jus be decent and lead a normally healthy lifestyle??
why are the youngest nowadays does not have any initiative? have they forgotten what their parents and teachers' teaching?? if yes, what for the parents are so 'clever' to spend all these money on them. brainless creature.
why are the government increasing so many stuffs in all aspects and why cant companies give more benefits and increment??
yes, i have so many why in my mind. i have been thinking alot alot of things lately. the above mentioned are jus in general. i have many many things in mind that i duno how to spell out in words to express my thinking.. i really duno.. 我很想哭但是哭不出来。我很累了！！
firstly, i worried abt myself. I'm getting older every year, so do you. but for me, i dun have a proper qualification, i dun have a partner (as you reach certain age and you are not attached, you will tend to tink alot), i dun think i have achieve what i want in life.
I'm trying my very best to study hard now in order jus to get the knowledge and certificate. i choose this way and i dun blame pple. i choose to work first then and now I'm proudly paying for what i have chosen. So what you study so much nowadays, the pple with higher qualification are jus simply brainless creature.
yes, i dun have a partner nor fling.. maybe years back, i wun worry for this issue and i strongly agree with someone who told me this "as you grow older and you are not attached, you will tend to worry already". but beginning of the year till now, i have been bothered by this. yes, you maybe be thinking that I'm giving myself unnecessary stress and pressure. but have you ever wonder how i feel?? well, doesn't matter. I'm officially been single for 2 years plus. frankly speaking, initially I'm quite use to the singlehood life. but ever since, my dearest sis is attached, i feel so lost and lonely and fortunately, i managed to get over it and move on.. but something that is not right or doing well is that i started to think even more. sighz.... =[ (i gonna stop here as i feel the sourness from my heart and if i continue, my tears will be coming out)
i feel lost and i really cannot figure out what do i actually want in life. yes, i want to work hard to earn more money, 可是钱是earn cannot finish one. yes, i want to get married and have my ideal no. of children. but nothing is helping me to happen. where have my prayers gone to???
secondly, i worried for my sisters. yes, i worried too much for them. but have they ever know how i feel for them?? i watched them grow for ten twenty years. i can say i share my happiness and sorrow with them and i hope i do share theirs too.. (provided they say and heed for advice). i use to think that no-one can ever break our sistership but i was wrong. there are jus this bunch of pple out there that is trying to led her astray. i will call this pple, bastard. i hate you.
i duno how to describe how much i love my sisters and it really hurts me and frustrate me most when something happen to them or argument or whatsoever. girls, if you are reading this. please tell me what you feel abt me being your sister. you girls have been too busy to have a talk with me. STOP!! i have to STOP. this is the 2nd thing that will affect my tears. I'm sorry. =[
thirdly, work. i have been hating to go to work lately. or should i say since beginning of the year. i really find it meaningless to go to work when i have colleagues that cannot take scolding or do extra tasks. everything have to be stated clearly... SHITTED. cant they be more flexible like von and i? sighz.. i know not everyone is the same but if you expect pple to help you, what should you do? do you need me to send you back to school to learn it over again.. common sense leh.. wake up your bloody mind... i have enough of all these stated clearly stuffs.
lastly, i have an upset 2008 for the first 2 quarters. it sucks.. i hope i will have a fruitful and meaningful 2008 for the last 2 quarters..
patrons, my apologies for this emo blog. pardon me for that.
kathleen was here writing on 9/14/2008 12:18:00 AM
